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I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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