Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
birth control should be required to get into college
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
