I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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