I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The air was thick with penises
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
