Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
