i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
