I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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