there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize