Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
