Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
