i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
