Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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