I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
