I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
