Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
