My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize