I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
