Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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