What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize