Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
