you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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