the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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