got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
