I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
