i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
