i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
