I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize