Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Gay?
German.
Pity.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
