I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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