I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
