I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
