just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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