I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
