with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
what day is it and did you see me today?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just googled if crying burns calories
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
