Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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