Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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