yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
