dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
