weddingsv make me drug and hornr
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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