our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
