im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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