Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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