Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
