I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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