I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
