I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
