I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
