I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
