I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This is the high leading the old right now
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize