he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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