I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
