hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
