I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
