I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
