you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
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