You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize