Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
