I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
