The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
