Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
