dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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