How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
