When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
