You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
not ubering you a puppy
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
