Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
