We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
