Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
