Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
