I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
