Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
