I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
