im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
