He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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