; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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