My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
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