someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
