just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
