How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
