Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
