remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
