dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
