Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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