He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
