Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
