i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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