what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
