He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
