i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
