May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
