Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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