I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
