I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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