wanna go halves on a baby?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
