I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
