How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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