weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
