I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You pole danced in your parka.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
