looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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