Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
