Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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