My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Randomize
