i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
