I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
