Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
