and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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