Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
