I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I deserve this hangover.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize