You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
