I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
