left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
