we have officially lost it.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
