Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Girls should come with a carfax report
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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