Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
