he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
