I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
