We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
