My hair reeks of homosexuality.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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