and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
