i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize