god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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